Communication Changes.

I am quite impressed with my self restraint these days. I have realized that as self aware and opinionated as I am, all can be lost if said at the wrong moment. Word vomit can ruin the message. As much as i am impressed with myself, I am also frustrated. The days of carefree communication are out the window. Well, not totally, but there was a time where I would fly off the handle and make sure my feelings were placed on a table for all to see. Sometimes I would shove it down people's throats. Now, I understand that the instant gratification of 'letting it out,' is temporary. I need more then that.

I often keep myself in check because I know that my way of thinking is a little obsessive. Its like I am too connected to my thoughts and feelings. Again, as great as that is, its a curse as well. What appears to be obvious to me, may not be the same to the next person because they dont live in their feelings and thoughts the way I do. When I describe it, it makes me feel like I am describing a person who thinks too fucking much. Which is true..and something I have been working on for awhile. Change isn't always easy.

Lots and lots of changes...but all good.

Pollution.

I decided to go to the corner bodega without my phone. I also walked at a normal pace, and not my usual speed walking madness. I was having one of those, "I want the phone to ring, but I don't want it to ring," kind of day. While walking to the bodega, it felt nice to feel the cold breeze against my face and ears, running through my hair and allowing my mind to not be occupied by whats going on in my phone (apps, twitter, facebook, texting). As I was walking back to my house, I realized that my mind is polluted with a lot of trivial junk...and now is not the time to occupy so much of my time with such.

I have lots to be thankful for, and trust me, I recognize it everyday, but...things could be better. As always, I have a positive outlook on everything, but damn, I'm tired. Not "giving up" tired...I just have hit so many walls and I am..well..I don't know how to put it into words. I just wish things were different. But I know, things happen for a reason and yes, I will overcome all of this mess and it will be great. I can't wait for that day...I think about it all the time.

Please don't take this as a "woe is me.." post. I don't need sympathy..I'm just having an honest moment while listening to Sade's Soldier of Love, CD.

Today, I felt lonely for the first time in years. And its not because I wasn't with my friends or my boyfriend, it was mainly because I miss the person I used to be. I know that we progress and should never aspire to be what we were in the past. However, I just feel so messy and uncomfortable...which of course makes me a little insecure. I try not to look at the rest of the world and compare my living situation with others, because that's kind of insensitive. We all have different paths and obstacles, and at this moment, I can only deal with mine (but my prayers are for all ;).

I guess its a trade off I have to balance. Before this, I was unhappy but with a good amount of money and a successful career. Now, I am a happier person, dating somebody I am crazy about, I love where I live and I don't feel like a misfit here. I had none of those things before this.

Just gotta make it through...I have no other choice.

I have to be in Boston this week to visit family, and I cannot wait to be back already! LOL

Anyhoo, thanks for entertaining my personal thoughts and concerns.

If I can do it, so can you!

xoxo

Boys cut.

My hairstylist, Ryan Nickulas of Ryan Darius Salon, gave me a regular boys cut. lol Its actually one of my favorite haircuts in awhile. Don't get me wrong, he always does a great job, but I feel very cute and simple with this cut.

Birthday Love.

Feb 15th, was my birthday, but I celebrated it on Feb 12th at the F-Word (at Rebel Nightclub). A great time was had by all. I had over 40 people present, but I was much too drunk to get them all on camera! 5 shots of Patron and I missed the Daisy Spurs, Adam Lambert, Sahara Davenport and Rebecca Glasscock! If you don't know who any of those people are, google'em! ;)

Thanks again to everybody who came out to party with me.

xoxo

Like a (little) Brother.

Paul is like a younger brother. Not because we are alike, because really, we are polar opposites, but because he reminds me of a younger brother... and I really do care for him as one.

Here and there.

I have lots to say, but I am having one of those moments where I feel it is best to just let things ride. Im gonna keep being positive and reaching for success. Thats all I can do...I have no other options. In the meantime, here are a few pics from the last few months. House parties, clubs, around Williamsburg BK and behind the scenes at a music video shoot. All good times.

Also, peep my cameo in this video. I met up with Angel Laws, creator of Concreteloop.com, and Coco and Breezy. Just a reminder, Coco and Breezy are the girls who created the ferocious studded glasses that I wore in some pics I posted here a few months back. Im sure your memory will be refreshed once you see this vid:

Links to have: Coco and Breezy and Angel on Fire.

Enjoy.

Remixed.

I took some pics that I posted last year, and played around with them in Photoshop.

It was fun making these. I need to get back into Photoshop, I used to be pretty good.

Like Old Times.

I was bored, so I picked up my camera and took a bunch of pics in my roommate's room. The natural lighting was gorgeous and I set up my tripod and went to town. My last place in Boston was way more inspiring then where I live now, in Brooklyn. Its really clean and modern/sterile looking here. In Boston, the apartment had so much old school character. Every room and hallway was worthy of a shoot.

It made the tediousness of self picture taking rewarding. These pics here are ok. I like them, but I don't love them like my previous self pics. Anyhoo, here they are.

Where's Mikey?

Good times.